I can't remember the last time I wrote, and even worse than that, I can't be bothered to look.  I'm in one of those moods.  So much seems to have happened, but when I think of individual things happening it seems like nothing.  I'm in the flat at the minute (where I have been all day) and watching some film on tv.  I NEED sleep.  If I don't get some tonight, I'll be dead by Monday.

Dave went away on Friday night and should be coming back tomorrow.  I miss him.  It's so weird because normally I don't really miss people.  He's going to help out on Monday (on the premise that he gets to play with the shiny new laptop all day).  I think he's also thinking about setting up an internet server in his new flat.  We'll have to see how things go to see if we can afford to buy it and pay for the broadband connection for it.  (Not likely)

I went to meet his family the other week (they're lovely - crazy but lovely) and then he came to meet my family (Crazier than his - guaranteed!!).  My fostercarers came down on Friday to buy us lunch - which was very nice - and he met them then.  Things with my real family are going well.  I saw my dad for the first time last weekend.  He looks old.  We hardly talked, but that was because He was too nervous to make the first move and I didn't want to push him.  There's room to make things better.

I also got a new job - finally I hear you all say.  I'm working in the PDSA hospital for a couple of hours a day.  I start properly on Monday.  Looks like it'll be a good enough job...hours to suit me.  :)  That means that I can afford to pay my tuition fees for next term.

The social work department, as far as I'm concerned, can go and fuck themselves.  I got yet another letter asking for information that I have either told them 20 thousand times before, or have said that I don't know yet because it's not available from the uni yet.  I have run around like a mad woman for the last three weeks worrying myself sick because they couldn't be arsed to return one single phonecall.  When I become a social worker I will do things so much better.  I hate the fact that I depend on them for things.  I can't wait until I graduate.  I can get my leaving care grant and tell them to get fucked.  I did nothing but be quiet, just getting on with things.  I didn't ask for anything and yet they treat me like I've told a pack of lies that cost them thousands of pounds.  I hate the fact that I have to fight against the system just to get by each day...and I hate the fact that I've been living off Dave for the last couple of months.

Anyway, I think I'll stop that rant.  On another rant, I have a physiotherapy appointment in a couple of weeks.  I accidentally killed my back, so that should be fun. I also have to go for an ultrasound (either that or an ultrascan - so many terms that sound so similar).  That only took six months so far.

The only other thing that I really have to talk about is The Debate Project.  The annual conference is on Monday (we've been run off our feet trying to get things organised) and it's going to be so much better than last year.  I'm not too sure if we have enough people to cover everything as well as I'd like, but we've got enough to cope.  We have a minister coming along to open the conference and then it's going to be pretty action-packed.  I think we may even have a samba drumming session at lunch time. We also have media coverage this year.  I don't even think we got in the papers last year.  This year, however, we have been in the Northern Scot, The Herald, Moray Firth Radio have done a thing and want to do another thing, and BBC Radio Scotland are doing something at 12.20pm on Tuesday.  I can't wait.  I love the fact that I (with the help of the team) have managed to get a little idea up and running into the makings of a charity organisation.  We even decided to go for wristbands this year.  They look quite good. 

I should really try to go to sleep.  It's no good staying up all night before the event starts.  Sunday night here I come!!!  HA!!!  Right, I'm going to bed...and don't try to stop me!!! I mean it!

goodnight!!  :)

But at least I don't have to put up with it for much longer.  I told them tonight that I had no intentions of staying on and gave them a week's notice.  Serves them right.  I've done so much for them and not one little bit of gratitude.  only selfish bastardy customers who should be shot in the balls for not opening their eyes, and managers who need to get a better plan when staff aren't well.  They're all wanks and I'm shot of them.  :) 

Next step...find a new job...  hmmm... I have an interview on tuesday.  Going to have a mock interview tomorrow so that I know what to expect.  Very nervous about it.  I've also applied for a job in Paisley working for Renfrewshire council in a children's home (I think...).  Anyway.  all the jobs I'm looking at are almost double what I'm getting at the minute.  Just need to convince the interviewers that I'm worthy.  Good luck me!!!  hehe.

Anyway...I'm going to go to bed now.  Need some sleep if i'm getting up at 9am.  HA!! I'd better though.  MWAH!!

It's Tuesday and I have to go to work soon, but apart from that...Yay!!!! I got an interview for the job I applied for.  I phoned the people this morning to let them know I could attend and the guy just said  "Yay!".  I think I'll fit in.  :)  Just need to prepare for it now.  eep!!

Apart from that there's really not been too much going on.  I had to work full-time this week because the supervisor had a heart attack and the other guy's grandson was really ill so he had to go over to Ireland.  Such a shame, but i think he's ok cos the guy's back at work today.

Dave and I went to the cinema lastnight to see 'Descent'.  Such a good movie.  I never want to see it ever again, but I also do want to see it again.  the whole cinema jumped at one point.  so good.  then on the way home we saw some comical ned fights.  I think there may have been a comedy sketch on them at some point.  very girly.  I think one of them threw a bottle of juice at another one.  We also saw another briefer fight where a wee ned got punched in the face by a bigger ned.  not quite as comical until you saw the wee guy running away. lol.

Anyway, I'll have to go for now.  Got work soon and I need to have something to eat.  :D

I keep forgetting all about this website.  I'm so crap.  oh well.  There's not been much happening to be honest.  I've moved into my new flat, I'm looking for a new job and I have somehow managed to fall out with my best friend who has been slagging me off behind my back.  If it's over what I think it must be there really was nothing to it.  I joked and he took it seriously.  and it wasn't exactly like he's never said the same thing to me.  I've said it to him a million times before, so why take offence now?  It's really strange how that can happen isn't it?

I've been as good a friend as I can possibly be.  there has been as much reason - if not more - for me to have stopped talking to him.  Anyway, I won't dwell on it, it'll drive me up the wall.  The bridge isn't burned as far as I'm concerned.  It's just closed due to high winds.

In other news, I'm looking at a new job, and it looks like I'd be able to do it with my eyes shut - well almost shut.  Maybe with an eye-patch over one and my left arm tied behind my back.  ooh, look at me go.  :D 

I had a fantastic birthday.  My grandparents came down from Aberdeen with my younger uncle, My older uncle came up from Lancashire with my brother and a handful of friends showed up.  It was small but great fun.  I really enjoyed myself.  Especially when we raced our horse-stick-things round the block with the music playing, and even more especially when my top fell down at a street full of random people.  so funny!!!  :D

I don't think there's much else for me to say... definately no more news. anyhoo...I should maybe go into town and decide what I'm going to buy tomorrow. :D

It's been a while since I last wrote.  I think I need to go to uni more.  I keep missing lectures and I actually don't care.  I don't care that I got a huge row for not having done any work for my lecture today, I don't care that I don't care about the lectures and I dont care if I fail the exams.  I don't care if all I end up doing with my life is working in a lousy supermarket.  I really don't!  There must be something wrong with me.  I normally do care a hell of a lot more than I seem to right now.  It's not even that I don't care as the fact that I'mm willing to let myself down as much as I will end up doing.  Maybe archaeology wasn't the right choice for me...  I should have gone with my first choice.  I know it wouldn't have done me any good to have gone into social work so early though.  It doesn't work out well at all. I need to sort my head out too.  I'm forgetting absolutely everything.  A very very bad sign.  I normally don't have a fantastic memory, but I can normally remember something long enough to have wrapped it up and given it to a customer.  Another very bad sign.

I feel so crap about so many things, but then I forget it all when I'm around Dave.  I think he's mixed up a lot of things in my mind.  I like him a lot and don't want to lose him, but i'm scared to get too close in case I do lose him.  It's catch 22.  I need a holiday - speaking of which...the fieldtrip to Wales is in a couple of weeks.  That should be 'fun'.  ha!! climbing up hills with a bunch of people I'm not even close to being remotely interested in talking to.  oh the joys!!  Roll on the summer!! I think i may have to leave soon because the gregory building may be getting locked up soon.  Chucking out time.  Ooh, karaoke tonight - straight after work too.  I'm going to need alcohol.  and lots of it!!

Have just been to the doctor, and she says that there's nothing wrong with my hand - or at least not with the bones etc.  she said it could be something to do with the soft tissue.  anyway, i have a prescription I need to go and get.  Just need to find money somewhere now...

shit!! Just realised the time, should go and do some work, or sleep or something...

Cheryl(e) x

Ok, I've just been looking through my entries and I seem very angry... This is the bit that scares me the most...I'm analyzing myself again.  I need to stop it.  I scare myself with what I find out.

Anyway, I thought I'd write something a bit more cheerful, so here it is.  hmmm....

Just kidding.  I went to Dave's....when was it....sometime in the last few days...Sunday.  that's it.  I went to Dave's on Sunday and spent the night there.  Then we had a lovely day together yesterday.  Watched some movies at his and then went into town to see Meet The Fockers.  It was so funny!! I want to see it again!!  Then we went back to mine and he's still in bed...the lazy troll.  I should go home and wake him up.  I don't want to work tonight...oh well.  Might actually get paid this week...  here's hoping! 

I'm going home now.  the lecture was so boring I need to sleep for about 300 years.

Bye!! xx

Friday again...  Karaoke tonight, again.  Yay!  I'm so tired.   I haven't written in here for ages.  not a good thing.  so much has happened!

Let me see...  I went to TAG.  Tartan TAG...whatever....   I know that I don't want to be an archaeologist anymore.  From practically the moment I arrived to help out (for what? free entry to the conference...my life would not have been complete without that!!).  Anyway, I offered to help out...gave up MY free time and all I got back was abuse.  the people I was helping decided that they wanted rid of me before you could say hi.  Then they told my flatmate that they'd been trying to get rid of me - very discreet people!!  after the registration, I went up to the Drinks reception where they were offering free drinks.  I decided that getting drunk was probably a good way to go since the only person i had to talk to was annoying.  Oneof my lecturers decided (I wasn't even drunk at that point) that 'it would be best' if I left.  I said no and continued drinking.  then i left when everyone else did - slightly drunk...even more drunk when the fresh air hit me.

the next day i decided to skip because I didn't see why I should help out such ungrateful people.  the next day I went along and got evil looks at every opportunity from whoever I was working with on the registration desk.  Honestly, there's too many people in this world trying to kiss ass with the lecturers and can't stand a nice person who helped out for selfless reasons, except maybe trying to understand the courses and the thinking behind them that little bit better.

After that conference I decided that I want to be a social worker without any doubt.  I'm still looking into the courses to see what I can find out.  there's an incentive sceme at the moment,  that would be more than helpful.

New year:  we had a fairly big party, lots of fun.  It was a halloween party so everyone was dressed up.  I had a long black almost-ball-gown on and the Bridget Jones rabbit set.  I looked like a playboy bunny. lol  it was a great party.

after new year i got a phonecall offering me an interview at safeways and then got the job.  Excellent.  I'm now a butcher.  So funny, it's not a job I ever imagined doing, and always wondered what it would be like.  I also started seeing a guy called Dave, friend of Kev's.  he's lovely. 

there hasn't really been much else happening in life.  Need to phone social work to find out what happened to my rent, the usual really.

Finally finished!! I've just handed in my last essay for this term.  The next one isn't due until January...need to go see the lecturer about that actually...

I have also decided that I'm going to go into social work when I've finished archaeology.  :D  the only problem being that my social worker thinks I'm just being stupid.  I phoned her yesterday and she said that we'd "have to discuss it" when I go home and that she thinks I'm "Still in Crieff Hydro".  She doesn't know me at all.  I hate that people try to put you down whenm all you want to do is some good.  Evil horrible people.  I'm going to tell my fosterdad...he'll sort her out.  I don't know what I've done to deserve such bitchy social workers.  There's only two things I've asked them for...To go to uni and to have a computer with word-processing abilities.  I got both of them. I've been nothing but honest with them, and this is the thanks I get from them.  They'll pay for it!! I'm not taking this abuse lying down, and if they aren't happy about me doing a social-work degree...thay can go to hell.  I'll get it.  Trolls all of them.

Ok.  I think I should go now. I need to actually get some sleep and stuff like that...even though it's mid-afternoon... hmm

ok, bye

xx

I'm so lazy!!  I'm always avoiding work...  I need to get this done.  I was going to work late last night but discovered a mouse in my room when I got back...I think I may have a wild mouse phobia... I didn't want to kill it but i wanted rid of it.  I have no Idea where it went or even where it came from....Horrible little creature.

Went to the LGBT traffic light party thing.  It was ok.  I sang a couple of songs too - Touch-a touch-a touch me and Wuthering heights.  Good reception from everyone there too.  I'm so bored.  I'm meant to be meeting Martin for lunch...might text him to see if he's around...

I NEED to get this crappy report done so that I can hand it in tomorrow... this is truly shit!!

Ok, I'm going to do some more work... :)

I am so tired - again!!  Maybe I should go see someone about my sleeping patterns...ok, not SOMEONE, maybe a doctor.  I thought I was getting better...but I seem to be getting worse by the day.  I did go to see a sleep-psychologist-kind-of-person and they told me that I have 'delayed' sleep - I can't sleep til later than I should be able to.  But now it's taken a new twist...I wake up every hour and a half until about 7am (after about three hours of sleep normally) and then I keep wakening up every half hour and then every ten minutes.  That can't be a good thing!!  Doctors will only give me sleeping pills whih won't give me 'real' sleep.  ugh!!

Anyway, today has been boring and the rest of it will be spent in my bed, typing up both my essay and my research design for archaeology.  I think I could get them printed up by Friday... *fingers crossed*  I managed to get to my lecture - late as usual...  I left the flat in plenty of time to get there - the tube was running very slowly!! Grrr!!!  maybe I can get there on time tomorrow... hehe...

I think I'm going delirious...sleep, report, essay, food, report, food, essay.  That sounds like a fairly good plan to me.  :)  Maybe grab some food first though too... I need a job!!!

Ok, am going to look on the internet for work, then will go home to sleep and work all at the same time.  Good Plan!!

xx

Finally managed to find all the information I need for my Research Design.  So much information to trawl through!!!  ick!! I'm going to go to the LGBT drop-in in a moment.  Ten minutes to go before it starts.  Then I'm going home to sleep.  It's a short but sweet entry today.  I decided over the weekend that I need to do something about the person I like...It's going to take a long time before i pluck up the courage though...I think.  Oh, well.  I'm going to go now.

xx

I need to either not go out when I have lectures the next day, or I should stop putting my name down for the 10am lectures/seminars/tutorials/whatever they're called.  I'm so tired.  Went to Tunnel last night after the LGBT thing and although we did leave early, I didn't get to sleep 'til at least 4am.  I think I should sort a few things out in my life...money I suppose will go with a job.  I need to find one before Christmas though!! I need to get in touch with the police and the bank to find out how the fraud investigation's going, I need to write up the constitution for the Debate Project, send off all the application forms for funding, then I need to start organising the report for the Debate project so that it can be printed up and ready for the launch early next year. How crap...

I should probably go home soon and get some sleep.  I think I've earned it. I'll finish the notes I'm writing up first though...ok, and I'll go on the forum a bit too.

xx

What has happened to today?  It's all gone!! It's 4:20pm and it's already getting dark!!  That's just silly!! I think I am going to head home soon to leave all my heavy books at the flat before going to the LGBT by-election.  I'm so tired!! and I need food too.  icky icky food.  yumm yumm.

My Seminar today was boring. all about identity and politics.  Ick!!

I think I will leave and go home now.  I need food too. :(

xx

I'm supposed to be reading some silly report thing for my seminar at 2pm, but I really can't be bothered.  It's 10 pages long!!! ick!! I think I'd rather drink water for the rest of my life!!  I should really read it though as I haven't done any of the readings for any of my other seminars.

The Sun hasjust started shining in through the window and is now blinding me.  They really should think about getting blinds in the reading room.  Too much sun can kill you.  Well, I suppose I should continue reading.  Should I be able to remember what the lecture was about at 10am this morning?  I'm not very awake today...

Ooh!! The LGBT by-election is tonight.  It should be good fun!!.  Ok, this time I really am going to read that stupid report and the two books I have to hand back to the library.

xx

Well, I made a start to my essays.  Didn't get very far...but at least I have a starting point. lol.  Danny and I are apparantly going round to Kev's to watch movies later.  Don't know if I can go cos I haven't done all the reading I have to do for tomorrow.  eek!!!  I'll see how I feel.  I need to get an early night tonight.  No more movies for me...or maybe just the one...a million times in the same night. lol.

Right, time to go, I fear - not.  Andy said he's cooking dinner and I have no idea what he's making...eep!! oh, well.  Worth a try I suppose.  Unless he asks for money... ha!! he can have all the money I have!!

Ok, really have to go this time.

xx