Still Standing

Hello!!

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 21:07:45 GMT

Well, it's been quite a while....2 1/2 years...wow. So much has happened in that time, it's almost unbelievable. Where do I start?

Ok, I was seeing someone, I think, the last time i wrote... Anyway, that relationship lasted nearly 2 years mostly because I was ill. We broke up in November 2006. I got so depressed leading up to then, that I considered stopping in the middle of the road so I might actually get hit by a bus. I tried to get better with medication and doctors (the way you're supposed to) but the guy I was assigned to talk to just kept putting me down. So, after a couple of screwed up appointments, I decided not to go back. When I felt like it, I stopped taking the medication and, after a spell of blacking out for no apparent reason, I managed to start looking forward to things again.

That takes us to my birthday. At the time I was working in the city centre for an advertising company (big book, you know the one...all yellow, and filled with...pages....of adverts....). Anyway, as I was a temp, it was ok for them to turn round and get rid of me the day after my birthday. That set me back a bit with the whole depression thing, but not too much. I hated working there anyway, and managed to find a new job within a month.

So in July 2007 I went on a week's training course in Leeds as part of this new job (working in the processing department of an international banking company). The training was ok, but since then I've discovered that they missed out a whole lot of things that we should have known about.

Anyway, at the time, my landlady announced that she was selling the flat and brought us beer to thank us for keeping the flat clean in advance of people coming to view it. So we drank the beer and kept the place tidy. I managed to find a new place to live out to the west of the city and only 2 miles away from my work. My Mum & Dad drove down from the north to help me move, and thankfully, we managed to clear the old flat with a few minutes to spare.

Having moved into the new flat I noticed that I was starting to get a few bites on my arms & legs. Being that it was now August, I assumed that it was just midge bites and thought little of it....Until I saw fleas jumping on the carpet in the flat. Several phonecalls, two insecticide sprays and three cans of insect killer later, they finally seem to have gone.

With this in mind, and the realisation that the flat was slightly more expensive than I expected, I decided to get in a lodger (well, someone to share the lease with). It took me until the new year to get organised with the flat and sorting out all my belongings, but I got someone to move in at the end of January, and all seems to be well. :)

At new year, one of my friends got back in touch and came to visit. We went to stay with my parents for a few days and ended up completely wasted in a small village, drowning out the bells with a bad rendition of 'Auld Lang Syne', followed by more drinking and several 'almost-fights'. All in all it seems to have been a good night.

A couple of weeks ago, there was a work night out just around the corner. Thinking it would be crap, I decided to sing karaoke and proceed to get pissed. I successfully achieved that, but somehow ended up pulling a guy from work (unexpected and possibly not bright, but hey, that's me!). We have been talking a lot and went to the cinema last weekend (the film was crap!) so I suppose for now it;s all good.

Oh! I almost forgot. I decided late last year that I want to join the Royal Navy. I looked into it a lot and finally got applications sent away. I met with the officer who deals with recruitment and it made me more determined. I had a phonecall on Friday from someone in the Navy requesting that I go for an interview on the 26th February.

Unfortunately for me, I can't make it that day because I have to sit my theory test up north. Theres no way I can do the theory test and get back down here for an interview in an hour, so I'll arrange another date on Monday.

Other than that, I'm going up north to do an excavation in my mum's garden in a week. Mostly out of boredom, but I really miss just sitting and digging things up. My mum also has to go into hospital at the start of April for a discectomy (it sounds like one of the most horrible things ever!), so I'm going to help her sort out some stuff in the house before she goes.

so that's all that's been happening with me in the last couple of years. Not a great deal... lol. Oh, and I'm now completely obsessed with 24. But, hey, there always has to be something in life...hehe.

TTFN!!

Cheryl(e) x

It's been a while

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 02:16:24 GMT

I can't remember the last time I wrote, and even worse than that, I can't be bothered to look. I'm in one of those moods. So much seems to have happened, but when I think of individual things happening it seems like nothing. I'm in the flat at the minute (where I have been all day) and watching some film on tv. I NEED sleep. If I don't get some tonight, I'll be dead by Monday.

Dave went away on Friday night and should be coming back tomorrow. I miss him. It's so weird because normally I don't really miss people. He's going to help out on Monday (on the premise that he gets to play with the shiny new laptop all day). I think he's also thinking about setting up an internet server in his new flat. We'll have to see how things go to see if we can afford to buy it and pay for the broadband connection for it. (Not likely)

I went to meet his family the other week (they're lovely - crazy but lovely) and then he came to meet my family (Crazier than his - guaranteed!!). My fostercarers came down on Friday to buy us lunch - which was very nice - and he met them then. Things with my real family are going well. I saw my dad for the first time last weekend. He looks old. We hardly talked, but that was because He was too nervous to make the first move and I didn't want to push him. There's room to make things better.

I also got a new job - finally I hear you all say. I'm working in the PDSA hospital for a couple of hours a day. I start properly on Monday. Looks like it'll be a good enough job...hours to suit me. :) That means that I can afford to pay my tuition fees for next term.

The social work department, as far as I'm concerned, can go and fuck themselves. I got yet another letter asking for information that I have either told them 20 thousand times before, or have said that I don't know yet because it's not available from the uni yet. I have run around like a mad woman for the last three weeks worrying myself sick because they couldn't be arsed to return one single phonecall. When I become a social worker I will do things so much better. I hate the fact that I depend on them for things. I can't wait until I graduate. I can get my leaving care grant and tell them to get fucked. I did nothing but be quiet, just getting on with things. I didn't ask for anything and yet they treat me like I've told a pack of lies that cost them thousands of pounds. I hate the fact that I have to fight against the system just to get by each day...and I hate the fact that I've been living off Dave for the last couple of months.

Anyway, I think I'll stop that rant. On another rant, I have a physiotherapy appointment in a couple of weeks. I accidentally killed my back, so that should be fun. I also have to go for an ultrasound (either that or an ultrascan - so many terms that sound so similar). That only took six months so far.

The only other thing that I really have to talk about is The Debate Project. The annual conference is on Monday (we've been run off our feet trying to get things organised) and it's going to be so much better than last year. I'm not too sure if we have enough people to cover everything as well as I'd like, but we've got enough to cope. We have a minister coming along to open the conference and then it's going to be pretty action-packed. I think we may even have a samba drumming session at lunch time. We also have media coverage this year. I don't even think we got in the papers last year. This year, however, we have been in the Northern Scot, The Herald, Moray Firth Radio have done a thing and want to do another thing, and BBC Radio Scotland are doing something at 12.20pm on Tuesday. I can't wait. I love the fact that I (with the help of the team) have managed to get a little idea up and running into the makings of a charity organisation. We even decided to go for wristbands this year. They look quite good.

I should really try to go to sleep. It's no good staying up all night before the event starts. Sunday night here I come!!! HA!!! Right, I'm going to bed...and don't try to stop me!!! I mean it!

goodnight!! :)

Work sucks...

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 00:31:13 GMT

But at least I don't have to put up with it for much longer. I told them tonight that I had no intentions of staying on and gave them a week's notice. Serves them right. I've done so much for them and not one little bit of gratitude. only selfish bastardy customers who should be shot in the balls for not opening their eyes, and managers who need to get a better plan when staff aren't well. They're all wanks and I'm shot of them. :)

Next step...find a new job... hmmm... I have an interview on tuesday. Going to have a mock interview tomorrow so that I know what to expect. Very nervous about it. I've also applied for a job in Paisley working for Renfrewshire council in a children's home (I think...). Anyway. all the jobs I'm looking at are almost double what I'm getting at the minute. Just need to convince the interviewers that I'm worthy. Good luck me!!! hehe.

Anyway...I'm going to go to bed now. Need some sleep if i'm getting up at 9am. HA!! I'd better though. MWAH!!

Yay!!!!

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 16:19:22 GMT

It's Tuesday and I have to go to work soon, but apart from that...Yay!!!! I got an interview for the job I applied for. I phoned the people this morning to let them know I could attend and the guy just said "Yay!". I think I'll fit in. :) Just need to prepare for it now. eep!!

Apart from that there's really not been too much going on. I had to work full-time this week because the supervisor had a heart attack and the other guy's grandson was really ill so he had to go over to Ireland. Such a shame, but i think he's ok cos the guy's back at work today.

Dave and I went to the cinema lastnight to see 'Descent'. Such a good movie. I never want to see it ever again, but I also do want to see it again. the whole cinema jumped at one point. so good. then on the way home we saw some comical ned fights. I think there may have been a comedy sketch on them at some point. very girly. I think one of them threw a bottle of juice at another one. We also saw another briefer fight where a wee ned got punched in the face by a bigger ned. not quite as comical until you saw the wee guy running away. lol.

Anyway, I'll have to go for now. Got work soon and I need to have something to eat. :D

Hehe...oops!

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 11:10:21 GMT

I keep forgetting all about this website. I'm so crap. oh well. There's not been much happening to be honest. I've moved into my new flat, I'm looking for a new job and I have somehow managed to fall out with my best friend who has been slagging me off behind my back. If it's over what I think it must be there really was nothing to it. I joked and he took it seriously. and it wasn't exactly like he's never said the same thing to me. I've said it to him a million times before, so why take offence now? It's really strange how that can happen isn't it?

I've been as good a friend as I can possibly be. there has been as much reason - if not more - for me to have stopped talking to him. Anyway, I won't dwell on it, it'll drive me up the wall. The bridge isn't burned as far as I'm concerned. It's just closed due to high winds.

In other news, I'm looking at a new job, and it looks like I'd be able to do it with my eyes shut - well almost shut. Maybe with an eye-patch over one and my left arm tied behind my back. ooh, look at me go. :D

I had a fantastic birthday. My grandparents came down from Aberdeen with my younger uncle, My older uncle came up from Lancashire with my brother and a handful of friends showed up. It was small but great fun. I really enjoyed myself. Especially when we raced our horse-stick-things round the block with the music playing, and even more especially when my top fell down at a street full of random people. so funny!!! :D

I don't think there's much else for me to say... definately no more news. anyhoo...I should maybe go into town and decide what I'm going to buy tomorrow. :D

Fri, 20 May 2005 10:03:04 GMT

Your Deadly Sins

Gluttony: 80%

Sloth: 60%

Envy: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Greed: 0%

Lust: 0%

Pride: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 26%

You'll die from a diabetic coma.

How Sinful Are You?

hehe... I knew I was a good girl...

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 12:09:39 GMT

If I were God over LiveJournal... by shinikami
Username
Jesus would be	dil_em_ma
The four archangels would be	robp85
and	otherhawk
and	christoff21
and	pipestrell
The Blessed Virgin would be	dannykitten
Satan would be	the_barlow
The antichrist would be	christoff21
And YOU would be	Just nobody

Quiz created with MemeGen!

so funny it had to be posted.

Friday + Payday + lectures + work = oh crap!

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 16:56:29 GMT

It's been a while since I last wrote. I think I need to go to uni more. I keep missing lectures and I actually don't care. I don't care that I got a huge row for not having done any work for my lecture today, I don't care that I don't care about the lectures and I dont care if I fail the exams. I don't care if all I end up doing with my life is working in a lousy supermarket. I really don't! There must be something wrong with me. I normally do care a hell of a lot more than I seem to right now. It's not even that I don't care as the fact that I'mm willing to let myself down as much as I will end up doing. Maybe archaeology wasn't the right choice for me... I should have gone with my first choice. I know it wouldn't have done me any good to have gone into social work so early though. It doesn't work out well at all. I need to sort my head out too. I'm forgetting absolutely everything. A very very bad sign. I normally don't have a fantastic memory, but I can normally remember something long enough to have wrapped it up and given it to a customer. Another very bad sign.

I feel so crap about so many things, but then I forget it all when I'm around Dave. I think he's mixed up a lot of things in my mind. I like him a lot and don't want to lose him, but i'm scared to get too close in case I do lose him. It's catch 22. I need a holiday - speaking of which...the fieldtrip to Wales is in a couple of weeks. That should be 'fun'. ha!! climbing up hills with a bunch of people I'm not even close to being remotely interested in talking to. oh the joys!! Roll on the summer!! I think i may have to leave soon because the gregory building may be getting locked up soon. Chucking out time. Ooh, karaoke tonight - straight after work too. I'm going to need alcohol. and lots of it!!

Back again!!

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 10:57:25 GMT

Have just been to the doctor, and she says that there's nothing wrong with my hand - or at least not with the bones etc. she said it could be something to do with the soft tissue. anyway, i have a prescription I need to go and get. Just need to find money somewhere now...

shit!! Just realised the time, should go and do some work, or sleep or something...

Cheryl(e) x

I'm nice really!!

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 11:40:25 GMT

Ok, I've just been looking through my entries and I seem very angry... This is the bit that scares me the most...I'm analyzing myself again. I need to stop it. I scare myself with what I find out.

Anyway, I thought I'd write something a bit more cheerful, so here it is. hmmm....

Just kidding. I went to Dave's....when was it....sometime in the last few days...Sunday. that's it. I went to Dave's on Sunday and spent the night there. Then we had a lovely day together yesterday. Watched some movies at his and then went into town to see Meet The Fockers. It was so funny!! I want to see it again!! Then we went back to mine and he's still in bed...the lazy troll. I should go home and wake him up. I don't want to work tonight...oh well. Might actually get paid this week... here's hoping!

I'm going home now. the lecture was so boring I need to sleep for about 300 years.

Bye!! xx

Going round in circles...

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 11:28:10 GMT

Maybe it's about time I got off the roundabout... I'm working again tonight, but thankfully finish at 8pm as there is a meeting to say 'Welcome to Somerfield'. That reminds me...must take bank details. Still haven't been paid yet...and social work are still not bothering their arses to help me out. I'll give it til the end of the week. I'm not sure how much fight I have left in me for this. I've been fighting it for so long, but now just can't find the energy. It's a lose-lose situation I feel. Who the hell is she to put me down when I've only spoken to her a couple of times?!? I think I know what I want better then some jumped up social worker. I don't mind the fact that they walk over me so much. I can almost understand it. I am...for want of a better word...nothing. I'm some person who's draining their money away from them. I can deal with that. I might not like it, but that's the truth. I have very little, nothing that would really help me out in the likely event of the social work being complete and utter bastards and not giving me any support. What I cannot even begin to understand is the way they've treated my foster-carers, Paul and Tara. They've done nothing to deserve the shit they get served. The social work need to look after people like them. They're the biggest asset they have. I'm going to phone the area manager on Monday if nothing gets done. This is absolute pish!!! That woman is going to wish she hadn't bothered with me. Stupid cow. Doesn't she know that I know most of the managers up there?! I have contacts, and she's about to feel my wrath. IDIOTS!!!!!!

friday bloody friday...

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 16:14:05 GMT

Friday again... Karaoke tonight, again. Yay! I'm so tired. I haven't written in here for ages. not a good thing. so much has happened!

Let me see... I went to TAG. Tartan TAG...whatever.... I know that I don't want to be an archaeologist anymore. From practically the moment I arrived to help out (for what? free entry to the conference...my life would not have been complete without that!!). Anyway, I offered to help out...gave up MY free time and all I got back was abuse. the people I was helping decided that they wanted rid of me before you could say hi. Then they told my flatmate that they'd been trying to get rid of me - very discreet people!! after the registration, I went up to the Drinks reception where they were offering free drinks. I decided that getting drunk was probably a good way to go since the only person i had to talk to was annoying. Oneof my lecturers decided (I wasn't even drunk at that point) that 'it would be best' if I left. I said no and continued drinking. then i left when everyone else did - slightly drunk...even more drunk when the fresh air hit me.

the next day i decided to skip because I didn't see why I should help out such ungrateful people. the next day I went along and got evil looks at every opportunity from whoever I was working with on the registration desk. Honestly, there's too many people in this world trying to kiss ass with the lecturers and can't stand a nice person who helped out for selfless reasons, except maybe trying to understand the courses and the thinking behind them that little bit better.

After that conference I decided that I want to be a social worker without any doubt. I'm still looking into the courses to see what I can find out. there's an incentive sceme at the moment, that would be more than helpful.

New year: we had a fairly big party, lots of fun. It was a halloween party so everyone was dressed up. I had a long black almost-ball-gown on and the Bridget Jones rabbit set. I looked like a playboy bunny. lol it was a great party.

after new year i got a phonecall offering me an interview at safeways and then got the job. Excellent. I'm now a butcher. So funny, it's not a job I ever imagined doing, and always wondered what it would be like. I also started seeing a guy called Dave, friend of Kev's. he's lovely.

there hasn't really been much else happening in life. Need to phone social work to find out what happened to my rent, the usual really.

The End is Nigh...nope, it's here!!

Wed, 15 Dec 2004 14:36:55 GMT

Finally finished!! I've just handed in my last essay for this term. The next one isn't due until January...need to go see the lecturer about that actually...

I have also decided that I'm going to go into social work when I've finished archaeology. :D the only problem being that my social worker thinks I'm just being stupid. I phoned her yesterday and she said that we'd "have to discuss it" when I go home and that she thinks I'm "Still in Crieff Hydro". She doesn't know me at all. I hate that people try to put you down whenm all you want to do is some good. Evil horrible people. I'm going to tell my fosterdad...he'll sort her out. I don't know what I've done to deserve such bitchy social workers. There's only two things I've asked them for...To go to uni and to have a computer with word-processing abilities. I got both of them. I've been nothing but honest with them, and this is the thanks I get from them. They'll pay for it!! I'm not taking this abuse lying down, and if they aren't happy about me doing a social-work degree...thay can go to hell. I'll get it. Trolls all of them.

Ok. I think I should go now. I need to actually get some sleep and stuff like that...even though it's mid-afternoon... hmm

ok, bye

Yet Again...

Thu, 25 Nov 2004 13:26:31 GMT

I'm so lazy!! I'm always avoiding work... I need to get this done. I was going to work late last night but discovered a mouse in my room when I got back...I think I may have a wild mouse phobia... I didn't want to kill it but i wanted rid of it. I have no Idea where it went or even where it came from....Horrible little creature.

Went to the LGBT traffic light party thing. It was ok. I sang a couple of songs too - Touch-a touch-a touch me and Wuthering heights. Good reception from everyone there too. I'm so bored. I'm meant to be meeting Martin for lunch...might text him to see if he's around...

I NEED to get this crappy report done so that I can hand it in tomorrow... this is truly shit!!

Ok, I'm going to do some more work... :)

Sleeeeeeppppyyyy...

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 12:23:54 GMT

I am so tired - again!! Maybe I should go see someone about my sleeping patterns...ok, not SOMEONE, maybe a doctor. I thought I was getting better...but I seem to be getting worse by the day. I did go to see a sleep-psychologist-kind-of-person and they told me that I have 'delayed' sleep - I can't sleep til later than I should be able to. But now it's taken a new twist...I wake up every hour and a half until about 7am (after about three hours of sleep normally) and then I keep wakening up every half hour and then every ten minutes. That can't be a good thing!! Doctors will only give me sleeping pills whih won't give me 'real' sleep. ugh!!

Anyway, today has been boring and the rest of it will be spent in my bed, typing up both my essay and my research design for archaeology. I think I could get them printed up by Friday... *fingers crossed* I managed to get to my lecture - late as usual... I left the flat in plenty of time to get there - the tube was running very slowly!! Grrr!!! maybe I can get there on time tomorrow... hehe...

I think I'm going delirious...sleep, report, essay, food, report, food, essay. That sounds like a fairly good plan to me. :) Maybe grab some food first though too... I need a job!!!

Ok, am going to look on the internet for work, then will go home to sleep and work all at the same time. Good Plan!!

Avoiding Work - Again!!!

Mon, 22 Nov 2004 11:55:10 GMT

Finally managed to find all the information I need for my Research Design. So much information to trawl through!!! ick!! I'm going to go to the LGBT drop-in in a moment. Ten minutes to go before it starts. Then I'm going home to sleep. It's a short but sweet entry today. I decided over the weekend that I need to do something about the person I like...It's going to take a long time before i pluck up the courage though...I think. Oh, well. I'm going to go now.

Death-warmed-up

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 12:29:03 GMT

I need to either not go out when I have lectures the next day, or I should stop putting my name down for the 10am lectures/seminars/tutorials/whatever they're called. I'm so tired. Went to Tunnel last night after the LGBT thing and although we did leave early, I didn't get to sleep 'til at least 4am. I think I should sort a few things out in my life...money I suppose will go with a job. I need to find one before Christmas though!! I need to get in touch with the police and the bank to find out how the fraud investigation's going, I need to write up the constitution for the Debate Project, send off all the application forms for funding, then I need to start organising the report for the Debate project so that it can be printed up and ready for the launch early next year. How crap...

I should probably go home soon and get some sleep. I think I've earned it. I'll finish the notes I'm writing up first though...ok, and I'll go on the forum a bit too.

Yet Another Day

Wed, 17 Nov 2004 16:31:59 GMT

What has happened to today? It's all gone!! It's 4:20pm and it's already getting dark!! That's just silly!! I think I am going to head home soon to leave all my heavy books at the flat before going to the LGBT by-election. I'm so tired!! and I need food too. icky icky food. yumm yumm.

My Seminar today was boring. all about identity and politics. Ick!!

I think I will leave and go home now. I need food too. :(

"Struggling With The Past"

Wed, 17 Nov 2004 11:49:50 GMT

I'm supposed to be reading some silly report thing for my seminar at 2pm, but I really can't be bothered. It's 10 pages long!!! ick!! I think I'd rather drink water for the rest of my life!! I should really read it though as I haven't done any of the readings for any of my other seminars.

The Sun hasjust started shining in through the window and is now blinding me. They really should think about getting blinds in the reading room. Too much sun can kill you. Well, I suppose I should continue reading. Should I be able to remember what the lecture was about at 10am this morning? I'm not very awake today...

Ooh!! The LGBT by-election is tonight. It should be good fun!!. Ok, this time I really am going to read that stupid report and the two books I have to hand back to the library.

Ahh!! Essays!!

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 18:18:35 GMT

Well, I made a start to my essays. Didn't get very far...but at least I have a starting point. lol. Danny and I are apparantly going round to Kev's to watch movies later. Don't know if I can go cos I haven't done all the reading I have to do for tomorrow. eek!!! I'll see how I feel. I need to get an early night tonight. No more movies for me...or maybe just the one...a million times in the same night. lol.

Right, time to go, I fear - not. Andy said he's cooking dinner and I have no idea what he's making...eep!! oh, well. Worth a try I suppose. Unless he asks for money... ha!! he can have all the money I have!!

Ok, really have to go this time.

Ironic

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 14:06:04 GMT

I accidentally just overtook everyone on the forum. It's hilarious that the most frequent poster on the LGBT forum is the 'Token Straight'. That's so funny. Danny's not going to be happy... oh well...tough luck, I win!! lol. I think I may be insane today. I have roughly started on the constitution for the Debate Project and have started looking at books for one of my essays. I also have a web-page up for the other report-thing that I have to do. It's all going well. Ok, I think I should get back to work again.

Avoiding Essays Like the Plague

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 12:37:17 GMT

I have about a week to do my two stupid essays!! EEK!! I don't think I'm going to get them done. Or have the money to print them out... The first one due is the Project design. I have to design an excavation and figure out how much it will cost in money, time and 'man'-power. I don't even remotely like the sound of it. It's complete pish!! The other one is explaining the title of some boring historian's book. Theory - how dull. on top of that, I also have to write up a constitution for the Debate Project and miraculously find a job...not going to be a difficult day at all... Oh, I have to read 2 books by tomorrow as well...

I think I managed to get a grand total of around 5 hours sleep last night. Still got a lot of things I can't stop thinking about late at night. I wish it wasn't so difficult for me to fall asleep.

I think I'm kind of worried about archaeology now. There's so many things you can catch just by digging up a body!! for example, you can catch any number of diseases including the black death - not very nice!! I just read some pretty awful stuff about it. What I want to know is where the trenches for all the bodies of victims of the black death were buried...I wonder if it can be found by Google? Just had a look and I'm thinking the answer is no... Still can't find it.

I am actually going to go and type something up so that I feel vaguely important about something...

xxx

Near Victory - Or Not

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 23:46:48 GMT

I love quizes, even though I'm not very good at them. They bring out the competitive side in everyone and (as long as they don't get too serious) are a good laugh. I think we finished in 8th place tonight out of around 17 teams. Not bad at all. One team only got three or four questions wrong. They had the winning formula obviously. Oh well. I really should stop wasting time and write my essays and reports, etc. They're so boring and dull though!! Who wants to write about a litle hill somewhere or about the theories behind the title of some guy's book? It's all boring!!!

In other news...acually, I don't have any news... That's a bit crap really. Although, I'm not doing to badly at keeping this up to date. I really hate writing...which reminds me...I really should start writing my book...It's gonna be painful to write, but maybe it can help somone out there more than me going round trying to change things. I think the most difficult thing about it all is that I have no idea where the story will end. I'm still living it. Maybe this can help me a bit. There will be random memories that will jump out at me every now and then. If I write them down here, I'll have something to come back to when I need to remember. I think I need to write the 'Peas' incident down, it's one I keep forgetting about and then suddenly remember from absolutely nowhere.

Ok. I can't quite remember how old I was. I think about 13y/o...somewhere there abouts. Anyway, I'd had to make dinner (Let me say from the very outset...I have a very bad memory, and always have had...nothing seems to help me improve it) and my Father had told me to make peas with it. I made the dinner but forgot the peas and for that i got a quick blow to the side of the head and sent to my room without any dinner. It all sounds a bit ridiculous now, but it's all part of a mental scar I carry with me. I remember planning to run away that night. It failed because I'd forgotten to set my alarm clock. It was quite a good plan!! I keep getting carried away on tangents. I'm really not good at writing. My book will be so full of them. I think there are far too many tangents in my life. I'll end up getting completely carried away and lost. Ahhhh!!!!!

I'm going to atually do some work...or maybe just fill in application forms and write random stuff on the forum... hehe.

Things are looking up

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 18:18:43 GMT

I feel a lot better today. I think a long lie in helped. Didn't do all that much today, but it was more than yesterday...so I'm not complaining. I went to the LGBT drop-in and then went on to the jobcentre. after that I went to the reading room - and I'm still here. haven't actually started work on my essay or my report for uni, but I have made some progress on the application forms I have to hand in for funding for the Debate Project. I'm not too sure If I'm taking too much of a 'hands on' approach and not letting anyone do anything or not. I'm sure I'll soon see. It's so difficult when I have to let it go to other people because I worry that they might not have the same ideas as I have and want it to be completely different. I know it hasn't happened yet. But it's my baby and i don't want it to get lost or to fail miserably.

There's so much that needs to be done. I have to book the venue - once all the application forms have been sent off (and the constitution has been written). after that we have to write to the MSPs, local councillors, decision-makers and young people to let them know what we are planning. Still have to set the date for the conference - although I think it'll be at the end of March - and book the venue. It's going to be at the University of Glasgow, so that makes things so much easier for everyone in the team. We are based in Glasgow anyway (although we do try to reach out to the whole of Scotland). We're still finding our feet really but I think we're doing ok. Ugh!! The report from last year is still not finished...once it's done, we can start the advertising campaign to raise the profile of the group. It'll all be worth it in the end. It was last time.

ooh, I don't feel so good... That can't be a good thing. ouch!! pains in my side...what have I been doing? Maybe if I ignore them they'll go away...

Even though some aspects of life look that little bit brighter, there are some that seem to be standing still. Uni is still chugging along like the old rag-doll that it is, job-hunting took a little baby-step forward, the Debate project is a well-oiled machine, the video I'm making for the Fostering Network is going well too (even though I feel like I've been doing the most work), and that just leaves Social-work and 'love-life' (or lack thereof). the Socialwork have been asking the same questions over and over again (and that doesn't get annoying in the slightest). I'm going to send them all the information I can and hopefully thay'll shut up for a while. that then leaves 'love-life'. It's one of those things I could moan about for ages and ages, saying the same thing over and over again. But I won't. It's a straightforward 'I like someone and they don't know but I don't think they like me in that way' scenario. Time to move on and forget about it. Although part of me wants to hear them say 'Get lost'. Is that sadistic? Probably.

Oh, well. On with tomorrow and all these crazy forms to fill in...

I need to get out more!!

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 19:19:03 GMT

On a quiet Sunday afternoon when i should probably have been lying in bed thinking of all the crazy things i'd done the week before, i decided to go to the library to 'work'. HA!!! Work lasted all of...hmm...the two seconds it took to take the assignments out of my bag. I'm truly crap!! I don't think I'm going to pass this year!!! Maybe the fact that I keep running into creatures like Ivan the Rat (see pic - he's the one on the left)being shown to us by crazy lecturers, it's no wonder!!! I can't work with distractions like this!!!! *sniff*

hehe i think i may be losing the plot. Things still aren't great, but I feel a bit happier. need to go contemplate the ridiculous things I did this week and also try to find a job... oh well...